SKIPPER Peter Cavanagh introduces his team-mates - although they might wish he hadn't! ...
JOHN COLEMAN : "Coley" - Passionate about Stanley, a fiery temper. Favourite saying "Four grand CASH."
JIMMY BELL: Coley's right hand man: Responsible for lads fitness and fastest ever bleep test.
STEVE HALFORD: "The Dog" - never gives centre forward a sniff . Worst pair of black silk underpants with love hearts on. And he has socks to match!
GORDON ARMstrong: "Stretch" - the grandad of the team. Quiet. Haven't worked him out yet.
STEVE FLITCROFT: "Flitty" or "The Model"- Always looks like he has got off a catwalk. Immaculate dresser.
PAUL COOK: "Cookie the bookie"- Typical Scouser, lively, full of enthusiasm. Likes a laugh, a joke and a bet.
JAMIE SPEARE: "Jamo" - The only goalie ever to shout "keeper" and "away" in the same sentence.
JONATHAN SMITH: "The Body" - he is very well chiselled. Puts vaseline on his hair for some reason!
PAUL HOWARTH: "Towser" - got the weirdest tattoo ever of Rolling Stones lips with a tongue out at the top of his thigh.
ROBBIE WILLIAMS: "Rocky"- He's the good looking one of the team, apparently.
STEVE HOLLIS: "Holly" - he has just become a father. Sensible. Since Mark Brennan left has the hairiest chest at the club.
ANDY PROCTOR: "Prince Harry" (for obvious reasons) - does whatever his dad tells him.
ANDY GOUCK: "The Owl" - because he only plays well at nights, apparently.
BRIAN WELCH: "Welchy" or "The Camel". Drinks an unbelievable amount of water before a game.
ANDREW WAINE: "Wainey" or "Road Runner". Think he is a Kenyan in disguise as he is the fittest man at the club.
LUTEL JAMES: "Lutel" or "Lutes" - Has a strange tattoo and gold teeth.
PAUL MULLIN: "Mullers" or "BPM (Big Paul Mullin)" - Nicest man in the team.
DARREN CONNELL: "Bandit" - Cheated Jimmy and John at golf. Told them he was rubbish when in fact he was brilliant.
DEAN CALCUTT: "Psycho", "Deano" - team joker. If ever there is any trouble, his name is always mentioned.
RORY PRENDERGAST: "Rory" - Best crosser at the club but always looks like he has left his house with the gas on.
MICHAEL KNOWLES: "Nosher" or "Sickboy". Rumours are he had SARS disease as he was absent so long.
JOHN DURNIN: Still getting to know him but he is definitely the worst dresser at the club.
And PETER CAVANAGH: "Captain Sensible." Quiet lad, doesn't speak a lot, causes no trouble. Whitest man in football.